White Trash Lunch

I left work early for a spirited trip to The Valley for my maiden voyage to Magic Mountain. Even better, I got to see Modest Mouse perform there. Before we could head there though we needed lunch and Ralph's was our only option. Lets see what was in the shopping cart

1) 3 Budweiser "Tall boys": Nothing screams all-American white trash like the regular bud can. Now Super Size it. While drinking it I found myself wanting to listen to a Larry "the Cable Guy" record while watching some Nascar*.

2) 2 Prepackaged turkey and jack sandwiches: I've gone my whole life w/o eating this type of sandwich from a supermarket. Yesterday this all changed. Sort of. I was able to choke down two bites before I gave up. I'm 100% certain if i offered one of these to a homeless person they'd decline. The bread was like an old dried out sponge. The turkey ans cheese were looking quite weathered...and never once did the package mention anything about Mayo. Fuckers. Mayo is the condiment of the devil.

3) Jack Daniels: Nothing says "I don't give a damn about the people sitting behind me on Goliath" quite like downing some Jack Daniels before entering the park. We're a classy bunch.

4) Malibu: Normally this is where I'd make some snide disparaging remarks about Malibu and the people who drink it...but I watched two girls kill this bottle with little to no mixers throughout the day. Like I said, a classy bunch. I have a new found respect for the girls. The Malibu, not so much.

5)Gum: Seeing items 1-4. This was a no brainer.

The look of disgust from the old checkout lady was priceless. Though I do think she appreciated my commitment to the day when i asked for some brown baggies (for the tall boys). Trying to throw her off I told her I was going to make bag puppets to entertain "the kids". I don't think she believed me.