Lost Thoughts: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Being a Spazamatic

I'm a bit obsessed with Lost.  I came come to grips with my addictions. I've forced Lost references into far too many music reviews since season six began.  Beyond that I have friends who constantly feed me endless theories that make equal parts sense (Jacob and Smokey are protectors of the holy grail) and equal parts nonsense (Smokey is a genie!  That's why he's smoke!).  Those rambling post episode viewing theory threads coupled with the Doc Jensen's next day recaps (rants) usually leave my brain reeling...that is until each Tuesday when I'm given 42 more minutes of solid concrete storytelling with some answers peppered in for good measure.  You see we Lost fans crave answers.  It's in our nature. If the theories are well thought out we're willing to accept them until the show proves them to be right or wrong.  This past week as I watched Smoke Locke tell Kate a portion of his past I felt like i finally figured out Lost. I was positive the "crazy mother Smoke Locke referenced was Daniel Farraday's mother...but how would I ever prove it?  I was sure it was an impossible task...but then i saw this tweet by Damon Lindeflof.  

It was my finally my chance to get the answers I'd been looking for. During the Q and A they were real secretive if anyone asked about future plot lines. Rightfully so for a show that's livelihood is banked on secrets, reveals, and red herrings it behooves them to play things close to the vest.  I get that.  Knowing that this event was being recorded for their podcast I hatched a plan to hit them up for intel off the record during the post session meet and greet.  Surely I could get them to tip me off to my most recent theory:  The Man in black is actually a time lost version of Daniel Farraday.  Now that I've typed it out again it sounds ridiculous but Tuesday's episode "Recon" had me confidant that I was on the right path.  I just needed some reassurance.  Reassurance and maybe a photo op. 

quick sidebar: I hate La for the Hollywood scene.  I don't get starstruck when I see celeberties shopping for overpriced baguettes at Whole foods......but here is my list of people that I will become a total fanboy  for:

5: Chuck Klosterman

4: Dennis Haskins, TV's Mr Beldling

3.  Larry David

2.  Ricky Gervais

1 Jerry Seinfeld.

Somewhere out on the fringe of this list are Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof.  I was not star struck but I am appreciative of the 100+ hours of compelling tv that they've produced.  Plus I figured a picture would offer me the best chance at getting info out of them.  I'd catch them with their guard down 

Sadly I blew it.  I blew it hard.  

 As we waited for the Apple employee to take our picture (I'm sure the apple employee was super psyched to act as everyones defacto cameraman. I love being able to suck the wind out of their smug sails)  I confidently said  "In the episode 'Recon' Smoke Locke, when speaking with Kate, references his past and his crazy mother  Now listen i know you can't answer with a definitive yes or no but just blink if we've met his mom in a past episode...".  A genius well crafted question I thought....but i forgot to say "blink twice".  Damon well aware of this said "you know eventually I'll have to blink....".   Realizing my error i hastily tried to pull a Frank Drebin and said "Exactly! you just answered my question!"  Carlton Cuse was cool and said "you asked the question in a way we'd have to answer" to which I'm pretty sure I heard Damon mutter "yeah, real nice question" under his breath.... but I couldn't be sure because I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

God help me if I ever run into Marissa Miller or Jessica Alba.  I'd probably end up sounding somethng like this:

Oscar Watch: or How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love Hollywood Circle Jerks.

Thanks to a friend's incessant pestering I give you the 2010 Oscar Pick Ems.  It is a well known fact that gambling makes everything better.  For $5 you'll finally have a reason to pay attention when they're announcing the Best Sound Mixing winner.  $5 and some movie knowledge gets you in the running towards 1/2 the prize. The other 1/2 goes to Hope For Haiti Now. 

Submit your form here and $5 via paypal to rynneb@hotmail.com

If you are having difficulty viewing the full names on this page follow this link to the form: 2010 Oscars

Karma Police: or How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love Regret

Dear person ahead of me at the Geek Squad desk @ the Best Buy in Westwood with the virus soaked Sony Vaio laptop,

I overheard your conversation and I was utterly disgusted with what the Geek Squad was suggesting to do to fix your critical virus issue ("have you considered buying a new laptop?").  What I wanted to yell was "For the love of god do not pay the $350+ they are asking for to 'restore the OS'"..and please ignore the additional $85 to "try" and first clear the viruses.  I'd hope that the "we'll try..but it won't work" instilled the proper level of confidence in their quality of service.   I know I should have acted sooner and stopped you before you left the store (in tears?) and offered my skills for karma's sake...but I wanted to make sure my sub-woofer got checked in before I crossed the line w/ the Geek Squad jerks.  They can be quite petty when you overstep them.  Selfish, I know...but I need the bass ready for the premiere of Lost on Tuesday.  I'm sure you can understand.  Please know I immediately regretted my feckless behavior. In an effort to right the karma ship I made an excuse to step out to the parking lot to track you down.  Sadly by that time you had jetted off in full Verbal Knit/Keyser Soze mode and I was a lost and dejected Agent Kujan. 

Please accept my deepest apologies and if you read this I'll fix you up for free.

The Ipod wants to be BIG: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Useless Producuts

Overheard in the R&D room

Josh:  There's this flat screen inside with pictures on it and you read it.  And when you get down to the bottom you have to make a choice of what the character's going to do....Like if he's going to go in and fight the dragon then you have to push one of the buttons.

Paul:  Excuse me

Josh:  Paul

Paul:  I don't get it.

Josh:  Well it's a giant IPod Touch..

Susan:  See, there's a computer chip which stores the choices, so when you reach the end of the page, you decide where the story goes. That's the point.

Paul: ...but there's no SD slot, no USB ports, no camera and it doesn't support Flash

Josh: Well there's a camera connector kit that you can buy...

Paul:  So I have to carry around extra stuff to get pictures on my "IPAD"?

Josh:  Umm...you can get IWorks...

Paul :  but no multi-tasking!? I don't get it.

Josh:  I'll be right back (runs out of the room)

LATER THAT NIGHT