Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Happy Holidays..you piece of shit or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love False Yuletide Cheer

Thoughts from a ghost of Christmas past

Someone recently said to me that Christmas was the "fakest holiday". Correction: it’s not the most fake...but it’s the most in your face.

What I like about Christmas:
When people get annoyed with the rudeness of others and they sarcastically say "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays" with venom soaking through their words. As if hearing those words will make the socially foul person realize the time of year and their transgression. I believe the intended result is an apology or a make good deed. Easily the best part is when they still don't get a reaction and they repeat the false yuletide greeting for effect...and then follow it with a death stare. Getting cut in line @ a crowded department store is a lock for this scenario. Grab a bag of popcorn. Watch the scene develop. The irony of it is they're out buying Christmas presents. After re-thinking it I do believe these people get knocked around all year (you know the type, that person @ at party people instinctively know to make fun of. The type of person that gets bullied by telemarketers. Even dogs can smell the weakness on them and start humping their legs, regardless of sex) and they expect a reprieve during the post thanksgiving-pre NYE window. When their little desperate vacation from torment is not acknowledged they snap like Michael Douglas in "Falling Down". When they say “Merry Christmas” what they’re really saying is “Test me! I have waited on line for over an hour for a Furby, my madness knows no bounds!”

I saw it today. I was eating it up. My shit was grinning from ear to ear...till my ears fell off from the 19 degree weather.

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