Sunday, December 28, 2008

08 Was Great or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love Sappy Movies.

When thinking about a top ten list of movies for 2008 i started to worry a bit. As it turned out my netflix had been a black hole of quality for a good portion of the year and my movie going rate had decreased while my drinking rate increased exponentially. Since going on the wagon on the 21st of December I've been able to squeeze in some notable movies...otherwise you'd be seeing "You Don't Mess With the Zohan" in prime real estate. What has helped is finally driving to The Landmark on Pico. It's a treat to see a movie there. I've banged out four movies since the prohibition began, making me more than ready to construct my top ten. With that said, on to Number 10

10) Step Brothers: I know I should be putting Tropic Thunder here, but the heart wants what the heart wants. Yes I liked "Tropic Thunder", but I loved Step Brothers. I think my insane expectations for Tropic Thunder (and "Pineapple Express") compounded by my low expectations for Step Brothers (thanks to my disdain for Talladega Nights) led me to really laugh my ass off at Ferrell and Reilley and rank it #1 out of the big three summer comedies. It's a well known fact that JCR can do no wrong in my eyes. Ever. With that said Ferrell could be anything that wasn't Ricky Bobby and I was going to be pleased. Their ending duet was a thing of beauty...as was the family acapella sing along to Sweet Child O' Mine. Thanks to this movie"Fucking Catalina Wine Mixer" will be added to the drunken frat boy catch phrase library for years to come.

Less believable man/child step brothers: Steve Nash and Baron Davis, chilling in my neighborhood.

Trivia: um, so in the later numbers I was quoting how many times "fuck" was uttered in each movie. For Step Brothers, I had to do a google search. People, I implore you: think before you search.

9) The Visitor: Kudos to Richard Jenkins for forever lingering in the shadows as a role player and then when he finally got the chance to lead a film he knocked it out of the park. This trailer does the movie zero justice. Give it a chance...it's a slow starter. These are the types of movies that Netflix help you uncover. The feeling of emptiness and loneliness the protagonist feels is heightened in a solo viewing. His speech about life or lack there of and his eventual rebirth should have warranted him a Golden Globe at the very least. I mean come on, doesn't everyone get nominated for a Golden Globe? (I'm looking at you Tom Cruise in "Tropic Thunder")




8) In Bruges: If the movie consisted solely of this 30 second clip it would still make the eight slot. On top of that fine bit of cinema, you get Colin Farrell actually trying in a movie. A nice change from the Sonny Crocket fiasco of 2006. Actually to think of it, I'm not certain that Colin Farrell has been in anything good since Tigerland. A real underrated solid movie that should be added to your Netflix asap. I'm talking about "In Bruges", but feel free to add Tigerland as well.

Trivia Note: The word 'fuck' and its derivatives are said 126 times in this 107-minute film, an average of 1.18 'fucks' per minute. Tarantino eat your heart out.



7) Burn After Reading: I can see why the movie was lambasted by the critics: It wasn't "No Country for Old Men". A simple case of the Hangover Effect. The same exact thing happened after all the praise and awards for Fargo in '96. Their next movie was CRUSHED by critics and viewers alike. That movie you ask? The now cult classic of our generation: The Big Lebowski. History repeating itself. What have we learned? Critics and film buffs are dicks. Burn After Reading is a fun comic thriller that lets its stars act outside of their usual comfort zones (sans Tilda Swinton*) and channel a bizzaro three stooges meets Unfaithful meets the Bourne Identity (with out all the martial arts and parkour). An added bonus is the movie inside of the movie, "Coming Up Daisy". It looked like a movie all of my sisters would eat up. Props to Richard Jenkins for making the list for a third time. He is the Jason Statham to my Stephen King.


Trivia Note: fuck is said 60 times.


6)Frost/Nixon: I was really really surprised by how much I enjoyed this movie. Thanks to Peter Morgan (The Queen), who adapted it from his hit play, Frost/Nixon acts as a reminder of our personal flaws, missteps and need for redemption. This great recreation of an interview that went from a game of checkers and turned into a heated game of verbal chess. Perhaps a fleeting TV moment that carried more weight and emotion than anyone might have realized at the time. Imagine Billy Bush interviewing GWB and squeezing a "there never were WMDs. It was all made up so we could get a good ol' war goin'". Heady stuff. They really recreated the time and sentiment of the nation during that time. A nation that felt lied to. A nation well aware that they were part of a war that was un-winnable and wrong. A nation that wanted change and more importantly they wanted answers. It felt like opening a window into a certain point in time that very much mirrors today's climate, and I totally got lost in it...until Clint Fucking Howard's ugly mug showed up to close it. Can someone write an open letter to Ron Howard and state that we appreciate that he keeps giving his mongoloid brother a gig, but maybe from here on out he can be a gaffer or the "best boy". (I bet Clint was furious when he lost out on the role of Ronnie the pedophile in Little Children. "I was born for that part, Ron. Please pull some strings!" Fucking Clint.) Luckily, he wasn't cast as Nixon. Frank Langella was and he doesn't so much impersonate Nixon as much as he becomes him. At times you will forget that you're watching the actor who played the nefarious power hungry politician in "Dave." Hmm, I guess it wasn't much of a stretch for him. With that said Frank Langella IS Nixon and it is everything that "W" should have been and wasn't.

Trivia Note: Nixon wants to know if you fornicated last night.



5) Iron Man: Young Del was a comic book guy. It's true. He used to ride his bike to the store each Wednesday to pick up the new releases. He can count on his right hand how many times he considered buying an Iron Man comic. Naturally, when talk of an Iron Man movie started leaking he thought "Who the hell is going to want to see that?" Then he saw the trailer. Fuck yeah Favreau! With the help of a kick ass Robert Downey Jr and the late great Stan Winston, he made an awesome, accessible film from a fringe character from a fringe area of literature. Even Gwneyth Platrow's usual sucktactular face and acting (can we just give all her roles to Eva Mendes already?) couldn't hold it back.


It was a force of badass-ness (yeah i just made up a word) that totally played out like a living breathing comic book. That statement is meant to be a compliment. Jerks.


Bonus Points for making Jeff Bridges look equally badass.







4) The Wrestler: Darrwn Aronofsky is the King of Pain. His first movie "Pi" was a test in what the viewer could handle on a sonic level. The jarring sound effects whittled people away one by one from my living room when i brought it home as a "screener" from my job at good ol' Plaza Video. If you were able to get past that sonic assault you were rewarded with a great piece of film making from a new voice. After that came "Requiem for a Dream". That movie was a test in what audience could physically handle seeing. Requiem is a movie that you walk past in Best Buy and you pick it up and say "what a brilliant movie", then you put it down because you can't possibly fathom owning it and again sitting down and going through the pain that the four protagonists go through. It would be like buying Deliverance on Blu Ray and watching Ned Beatty's poor "Squeal Like a pig" scene...but for 100 more minutes. The Wrestler is another test. This time we're tested with how much we can handle emotionally. Never would I have expected to pay to see a movie about wrestling STARRING Mickey Rourke, but it's been an odd year. (as #3 and #1 will attest) As it turns out, Darren Aronofsky's shooting style coupled with Mickey Rourke's real life story makes him perfectly cast as a once star now washed up wrestler. This combination gives it an almost documentary feel, and the audience can immediately relate to "Ram". I don't want to give anything away about this movie but let me just say the wrestling is the least painful aspect of the movie, and Marissa Tomei is great as an equally washed up stripper. Plus she gets naked!


Other reasons for the four slot: a kick ass 80's hair metal soundtrack and Todd from the Crazy Dogggz (sans bongos).


3) Wall-E: I never go see kids movies in theaters unless I'm taking my niece and nephews. I had no intentions of going to see this movie, but after a few cocktails near the promenade a girl whose company I was enjoying insisted on it. I was glad I did. It was a great piece of movie making with a solid message bumbled up in a cute package. A Trojan horse if you will. On top of that, I don't think any other movie I've seen could go with out dialogue for so long (33 minutes) and not lose an audience. Sure he looked like a complete rip off of Johnny Five from Short Circuit but nobody (except this lady) cared. No one cared because this was a fine crafted piece of art that somehow managed to tug on the audiences heart strings. I know this because as Eve was seeing the video log of how Wall-E cared for her during her hibernation status, the girl who dragged me to this "kids film" was balling her eyes out. I'm talking rivers of tears. She looked over and smiled with tears gushing out of her saucer eyes. It was an endearing moment and I thought perhaps, just maybe she might be the Eve to my Wall-E. As it would turn out she was more the H.A.L to my Dave.

2)The Dark Knight: Heath Ledger died. We all know that. Heath Ledger gave a great performance. We all know that. So why does this movie make number two? My reasoning is because it was the complete opposite of Iron Man. Like I said, Iron Man was a walking talking comic book. The Dark Knight however manged to transcend the entire genre and fall into a class of its own. With the overabundant CGI work in films today, the sense of danger is never really felt. Chris Nolan, leery of this, attempted to shoot this movie with as many old school tactics as possible. The results speak for themselves. Each action scene has a heightened sense of danger and even though you know it would kill the WB studio to off Batman you still feel a great sense of peril. Chris Nolan has made a career on twists and turns and The Dark Knight was no exception. The Joker personified chaos, but beyond that chaos and claims of having no plan, there were intricate events that pushed the plot along from beginning to end. A well thought out domino effect of chaos. A far cry from Jack Nicholson dancing around to Prince as he gave out fake joker money. Just an awesome movie from top to bottom with a kick ass cast. I've mentioned it before and I'll say it again: I wish Morgan Freeman were my grandfather. He's so wise and preachy, but not in the angry Charles S Dutton kind of way.

Note: If you want more of the Joker, go to Borders during their 40% off everything sale and pick up "The Killing Joke". Nolan's version of the Joker was partly inspired by it.


and lastly...

Question: how do you top a list that includes movies about wrestling, old men learning to drum, and a knock off Short Circuit? Do you go with:

a) Tropic Thunder
b) Milk
c) The Curious Incident of Benjamin Buttons
d) Slumdog Millionaire

D. Final answer.

Before I even get into the movie, I have to say that Frieda Pinto is EASILY the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.

Slumdog Millionaire: I saw this movie on Saturday and I can not stop thinking about it. It is my 2009 version of "Once". I went into it Frank Costanza style and was blown away. I should have known it was going to be awesome because Danny Boyle has yet to let me down. If there was ever to be a movie made about me I think he'd be my choice to go behind the lens. Wes Anderson would get too quirky, Darren Aronfsky would realize too much pain, and Bryan Singer would insist on having some sort of Nazi plot device, possibly involving Tom Cruise prancing around in a patch. Enough already Bryan. Nope, Boyle would be the man. The guy attacks such diverse genres. You really never know what to expect next. To go from "28 Days Later", to "Millions" to "Sunshine" is a pretty amazing feat. I truly don't have the words to describe how much I enjoyed this movie. Just think for a second. I just said a movie whose plot centers on the Indian version of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" is my favorite movie of the year. Amazing locations, a clever plot device, great soundtracks, crisp editing, and child actors you don't want to drop kick. The best analogy I can give you is "City of God meets Forrest Gump"...without any nonsense like the "It happens" and Smiley Face T-Shirt running cross country debacle in the latter part of Gump. It's the Indian Odyssey by way of the genius that is DannyBoyle.

Go see it. Now.

That's it, that's my list....and here is my top 5 list of movies for 2008 that I still need to see:



5 Synecdoche, New York


4 Gran Turino (looks hilarious)


3 Religulous


2 Milk


1 Let The Right Ones In.




*Tilda Swinton: No acting outside of her wheel house. She does her usual ice queen. She terrifies me and is quite possible the reason why Benjamin Buttons will not be listed in this blog.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

The S is Silent: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Having My Voice Muted

“At their best, provisional ballots provide voters who would otherwise be turned away from the polls to have their vote counted, but at their worst, the offer of a provisional ballot can be “a way to brush off troublesome voters by letting them think they have voted.”[4]

In the 2004 US Presidential Election, controversy arose out of arguments regarding the interpretation of the criteria for determining the eligibility of voters using provisional ballots. Many allege that these discrepancies of interpretations, particularly in Ohio, may have been a deciding factor in the outcome of the election. In the 2004 election, at least 1.9 million provisional ballots were cast, and 676,000 were never counted due to various states’ rules on counting provisional ballots.[5]

Studies of the use of provisional ballots in the 2006 general election in the United States show that around 21% of provisional ballots were rejected, where the majority of rejected ballots were cast by registered voters and the majority of rejections were for reasons that were preventable”

Preventable? You mean like NOT spelling my last name (LeFevre) with an S (SeFevre?).

WTF. I was made to vote provisionally, which is comparable to when you were in elementary school and your class would vote on the Presidential elections. It’s all for shits and giggles. I felt so dirty after submitting my provisional ballot I went home (across the street) and found documentation w/ the misspelling and went back to the polling station to try and get my provisional ballot removed so i could vote properly.

I thought my plea of “This is the most important election of my life, I want this to count!” would help. Sadly it fell on deaf ears.

Lesson learned: when you register to vote be as neat as possible with your handwriting.

OR

Stick with NY…because this kind of snafu never happened there. Stupid California. (at least the weather was nice)

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Slim Goodbody: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Doctor's Orders


“ UM…you might want to consider cutting back your intake so you have ‘real sleep’ "my doctor said after I told him my “social drinking” consisted of or around twelve drinks. My sadly sincere retort was “Drinks? So does that include shots and jaeger bombs?”

I don’t think he was amused.

After step one of the Del Health push for late 2008 hit a setback (the chantix prescription not being covered under my Atena) I moved forward w/ step 2: Going back to the gym. I’ve been paying for a $70/month gym membership that has gone unused for a good portion of the year. Last year I was a machine at the gym. This year, still a machine…but of the soft serve variety. The doctor’s orders for my fatigue were to not give me adderall (This, people, is why I am not a Doctor) and for me to go back the the gym. Yesterday was the first day. I excitedly parked in front and walked up to the glass doors. I was ready to become a new man. However, as i peered into the giant glass entrance I saw that it was empty. I don’t mean “Empty” in the sense that no one was there working out, I mean it was fucking empty. Cleared out. Tumbleweeds. No machines, no bikes, no lockers, no bad music blaring from the sound system. Someone out there doesn’t want me to shed my lifestyle of hazy nights, bleary mornings and winded stairs.

I blame the government.

I guess it's time to break out those Perfect Pushups I call coasters with handles.

related side note: Do they make a chantix for jaeger bombs?

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

NetFacts: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Borrowers


The jig is up.

Netflix locked out my account. Damn my trip back to NY. Sure it was great to see the family and friends but it ruined my netflix efficiency. The trip slowed down my queue activity to the point where I felt like my hand was forced. By "forced" I mean "lying to netflix that i sent back movies so they would send out new movies asap". It's the oldest trick in the book. The good ol' "report shipping problem"maneuver. Sadly I've been the dirtbag who cried Wolf far too often and they locked out my account.

Heed my warning: Don't Lie to Netflix.

Otherwise you’ll resort to this kind of tomfoolery:

Netflix Customer Support: What seems to be the issue today?
Del: My account was placed on hold.
Netflix: It shows here that a great deal of movies have been flagged missing and then are returned much later.
Del: Gee. really? My roommate mailed back a movie on the 30th…and it never got to Netflix, so I flagged it as lost in the mail.
Netflix: I see. Where did he mail it from?
Del: “He put it outside, under a rock, on my apt mailbox. Gosh, do you think someone is taking them?”
Netflix: “Sir, it sounds like you have what i like to call a “Borrower”*. They stalk outside mailboxes and take other people’s movies and watch them...and then send them back…and if they really like them THEY WILL KEEP THEM!
Del: OH! Somebody would do that?
Netflix: Sir, You’d be surprised how often it happens.
Del: Goodness, I think i should not leave my dvds out under a rock anymore.
Netlix: That sounds like a fine idea sir.



Del’s thoughts: Sure it was embarrassing to act like a Sarah Palin, especially when i decided to turn the ham up and ask if there was a way to look up the ship and return dates**. (like a savvy Netflix vet like myself wouldn't know that. Come on). If that wasn’t enough I asked if i could get a investigative phone call next time a rental went longer than 10 days. As she tried to explain how stupid the request was I cut her off and said “You know what, I betcha if i just follow your instructions and stop putting my movies under the rock I’ll be OK! huh?". Judging from her reaction I think she was quite impressed that the Joe Six Pack on the other line was able to come to that conclusion.

We’ve all learned a valuable lesson here, Don’t Lie to Netflix...and if you do lie, act like a complete buffoon so you'll lower their expectations.

Del note: Sadly, this is actually the second time I had to stoop to these type of shenanigans. I guess soon it will be time to be honest w/ Netlfix...or switch to Blockbuster.

* Borrower: she was so pleased when she used this name she obviously coined for movie thieves. It was so cute. God bless her. I could hear her air quoting as she said the word and then nudging her customer support buddy on the right while mouthing "I told you 'Borrower' was so money. I think its gonna stick! Did you start using it?"

** ship and return dates: I went on about how i could try and study the return history and possibly find a pattern to deduce who was grabbing the movies. She humored me and we went through a questionable period at the end of January. I kept muttering to myself "Hmm, end of January...interesting" as if it meant something. She was not impressed with my suggestion of a stakeout.

Speaking of stakeouts...I better go update my queue.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Overheard in LAX or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Dead Presidents

Old asian man: who is that? (Pauses, points at my sweet t-shirt) Tony Romo?

Del: Haha, no its not tony romo. Its Johnny Utah. Famous Ohio State quarterback!

Old asian guy (clearly has no clue who officer utah is and makes a sad "oh no the cruel embrace of Alzheimer's is setting in) "ohio state?

Del: yeah, remember? All american, he was gonna go pro till he blew out his knee in that big bowl game. Think it was the Rose bowl.

Old asian guy: ...

Ha. Good times. I would have kept going with the charade if he would've let me. Poor guy was so rattled he went through the metal detector with his belt on. The cruel security woman made him take his belt off and that resulted in far too much old man underwear(and possibly a weight lifting belt or man girdle) to be seen when his shorts dropped.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Lucas, You Fool: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Learn How to Embrace My Past

I was a worthless piece of crap yesterday at work, and for the first time it wasn't because of a hangover. That's a slight lie as I did drink, but it wasn't the usual "Shock and Awe" drinking session I usually subject my liver to. The Jaeger carpet bombing was silent for the Lord's day of rest. No I was tired because I insist on putting random movies on as I go to bed. Sunday's 1am showing was"Lucas". The tag line for the movie is "It's about falling in love. For the first time".

It should actually read "It's about falling in love. For the first time...and then having your heart ripped out and stomped on over and over again...as you are totally oblivious to your short comings and the fact that you have no chance at getting the girl...who is gross anyway, as she's a creepy ginger."


Sorry, I shouldn't say any more. I'd hate to spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it....or hasn't seen it since it came out (1986...damn my self inflicted carbon dating) but here are my key thoughts:

1) Gingers are dirty whores and can not be trusted! EVER!
2) Lucas would go trench coat mafia in this post columbine world. Guaranteed.
3) Charlie Sheen was (and I'm sure still is) a terrible friend
4) Lucas should have targeted the square Winona Ryder. So much hotter. Even back then, and so less ginger-y. Plus she was in to him. He could have gotten in that much need practice bang before he set his sights on the Ginger.

Why does this movie strike such a chord in the heart of the Deltron? Obviously I've never had an unrequited crush on a ginger. I've always been partial to brunettes...or pretty much any girl that doesn't melt in the sun.

I never had a sick fascination w/ locusts either.

Hmm, perhaps it was because my physique as a High school freshman was eerily similar to young Lucaplakia. I know I know, a shocking revelation. It's true my friends, this chiseled rock of muscle you see now was once the shortest kid of his grade. Even worse, his fraternal twin was not the second shortest.(He was third) Damn that Bastard. I suppose that would make me a bastard as well, but you get the idea. The spiked hair "blow fish" defense did nothing to fool others into puffing up my size. I just had to wait for the sweet sweet release that puberty would bring. Fortunately no one ever gave me the Lucas treatment. I'm guessing it was either because I didn't live in a trailer park and collect bugs OR because there weren't vats of Icy Hot to slather on my hairless man berries.

It wasn't all sour grapes as I did get to purchase Air Jordan's in 8th grade at the kid size discounted price. No shot Fran (my Mom) was going to dole out cash for the full priced adult sized cost.

Score one for the Lucas 2.0

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Park and Hide: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Being a Straggler

This blog is going to act as a public service announcement to anyone considering using the Hollywood Bowl "Park and Ride" service. As it turns out, the times are NOT "suggested" arrival time options but instead are the firm time choices that are available for your shows' specific start time.

I learned this the hard way. Allow me to scare you straight.

The day before the Radiohead show I drank like a champ. For no good reason on Sunday I had 6 jaeger bombs and countless beers and other drinks at The Victorian, The Beer Garden, O'Briens, and my house. It made for a great Sunday, but a miserable Monday. This led me straight to the Park N Ride as I planned to rest and rebound in a bus on the way to the venue. Oddly enough, when I arrived at the Santa Monica DMV there were ZERO people waiting for the bus. I thought I couldn't be more worried at that point. I was wrong. Shortly after discussing what to do w/ my roommate Pat, who was kind enough to drop me off, another Radiohead fan showed up. Her name was Monica and she was bat shit nuts. She clearly made the same mistake I did and was having a self admitted freak out. Besides questioning who I was calling when I used my phone to try and verify the p-n-r info she questioned the West Side. Her theory, which clearly ignored the full parking lot, was that there weren't any Radiohead fans on the Westside and that was the reason there was no one waiting for a pick up. I was way too hungover to humor her insanity so I peppered in a few subtle zingers as I tried to figure out my next step. Truth be told I was fucking terrifed of her. CRAZY EYES! Luckily Monica's friends showed up and, following a long brainstorming session, decided they'd drive to the Bowl. After a quick deliberation, they agreed to drive me as well. Kids, I don't advocate taking rides with strangers, but this was for Radiohead. It wasn't like someone asked me to get in their van to help them find their lost puppy (ed note: People, wise up. There's never a lost puppy!). Also, the driver, Nick, was a spot on stunt double for my buddy Schellman...except a Mexican version. John Mexico. Super trust worthy.

Michael Vick would be so proud...en el trato.

The car ride consisted of Monica complaining the entire fucking time, and her friends either rolling their eye balls or telling her to "try and have fun". Why would John Mexico, Bizarro Annie, and the Bourne Ultimatum 2.o want to hang out with such a Debbie Downer. When she found out that someone threw a "Singles" party and she wasn't invited she belted out over and over again: "BUT I'm single (shocker!) Why wasn't I invited?" Oh Monica, I just met you and it's completely obvious why you weren't invited. Her friends made some lame excuse and changed the subject.*

As the straggler, I really wanted to shtick it up by doing the Seven Minute Abs bit from "There's Something About Mary"...but i thought better of it as I was insanely hungover and I feared being dropped off on the 101. (Note: this is also the reason i have no pics of the motley crew. That would've punched my express first class ticket to Creep City.)

"Bingo, man, bingo. 7-Minute Abs. And we guarantee just as good a workout as the 8-minute folk"

At this point I learned we'd be detouring** to John Mexico's boss' house. Hmm, part of their scam perhaps. Get a straggler alone in the Hollywood Hills and then steal his tix. Genius really. My fears were put to rest when we arrived and I realized the boss could probably buy the Hollywood Bowl. They had a friggin Warhol for christ's sake. I knew this because the boss's wife insisted on giving a tour, even when I tried to politely decline by saying "Thanks, I'm good....I'm a straggler. No tour needed." I think she thought I was kidding. A friggin Warhol. Nuts. I was impressed. As evidenced by my living room, I'm a huge art fan:

Matt points out the rich textures of my Bob Ross original knockoff .

After some small talk..and some not so small Monica complaining we jumped into the boss' car and made our way to the Bowl. Of course Monica didn't miss a fucking beat, as she took this second car ride as an opportunity to unnecessarily insult John Mexico's car." Seriously, why did these people hang out w/ her? Luckily it was a short ride, but not short enough as John Mexico and his boss gave each other goodbye European cheek kisses to go along with the standard bro hug. I didn't need to see that. After that we went our separate ways and I met my buddy and headed to the seats and never looked back.

What lessons have we learned?
You know what...I'm not sure I learned a lesson as I'd rather ride w/ strangers than drive to the Hollywood Bowl. That Tetris stacked parking is a fucking nightmare.

Actual Radiohead concert notes:

Ed Grimley + Gary Oldman in "The Professional" = Thom Yorke. Stop trying to come up with a better comparison. It's impossible.

Steve Nash is apparently now playing bass for Radiohead.

No pic needed: Johnny Greenwood is a bad ass guitarist.
Set List
1. Reckoner
2. Optimistic
3. There There
4. 15 Step
5. All I Need
6. Pyramid Song
7. Weird Fishes/Arpeggi
8. The Gloaming
9. Videotape
10. Talk Show Host
11. Faust Arp
12. Tell Me Why (Neil Young Cover)
13. No Surprises
14. Jigsaw Falling Into Place
15. The Bends
16. The National Anthem
17. Nude
18. Bodysnatchers
19. House of Cards
20. Planet Telex
21. Go Slowly
22. Fake Plastic Trees
23. True Love Waits Intro/Everything In Its Right Place
24. Cymbal Rush
25. Karma Police
26. Idioteque


Unexpected Highlight: "Tell Me Why". I've never heard the Neil Young version and I don't care. This is now an instant classic Radiohead song in my mind.


Radiohead :: "Tell Me Why" (neil young cover) from gorilla vs. bear on Vimeo.

Sad Lowlight: "True Love Waits". It broke my heart that I could barely recognize this usually great song because it was reworked into a bizzaro organ infused death crawl. The fact that it was my "Man, I hope they play that song" selection, made it that much worse.

Weirdest thing I noticed because I was so hungover I was forced into sober ultra awareness: The asian girl next to me who would laugh uncontrollably EVERY single time she looked at the stage through her binoculars. WTF. Maybe they were displaying reruns of Full House or America's Funniest Home Videos up there. Saget is one funny fuck.


* Turns out Moncia was offered the ticket day of...which usally translates into "Hey...um...we couldn't find anyone else to come w/ us and we don't want to eat the cost...so...um...i guess...um..if you want to come...bring your cash!"

I would have given my ticket to Hitler before her!


----------------
Now playing: Ramones - Needles and Pins [Sire Remixed Single Version]

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Free Girl Talk: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Dance Awkwardly


A little more then a month ago i posted a link on Facebook (the bane of my blogger existence) that allowed people to download the new Girl Talk CD for "free". I'm re posting it here because...well just because it kicks so much ass.

DOWNLOAD IT NOW

Another reason I'm re posting it is because some douche at Facebook flagged the link as "malicious content". A bit harsh I'm thinking...but the album does attempt to kick your ass so I suppose Facebook is partly right.

For you goons who might get confused by the transaction questions on the page, follow these instructions:

* Click on the link
* Submit a payment price of $1.00 (you don't really have to pay FYI)
* Click feed the animals
* Select My paypal or credit card account is inside the United State
* Click feed the animals
* Click here to begin download

It's that simple. Unzip the file and put on your dance shoes.

For anyone out there questioning the integrity of not paying you should know that by spreading the love I've sold countless Girl Talk concert tickets...and that's where the money is at. Don't you judge me!

Here is an example of the good times that can be had fueled by Girl Talk and the appropriate amount of jaeger bombs


Dodgers, Play Your Part (part II) from del lefevre on Vimeo.

and for all you visual learners here is a youtube video mash up that gives you an idea of the genius that is Girl Talk:

Saturday, August 23, 2008

You''ll Never Measure Up: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Not Getting My Balls Cupped

Let's face facts: I'm lazy. Not in the extreme sense mind you. However, if I can passably take care of something in walking distance from my current location I will ALWAYS take that option over jumping into my car and finding the recommended route. At work I eat at the Lobby Trimanna FAR too often and I get my dry cleaning done from a one eyed Russian who almost always ends up staining my already considerably stained shirts or needs three more days to get me my clothes back. Pretty inconvenient for being "convenient". That said, I'd never consider going anywhere else. He's earned my trust by:

1) being in walking distance
2) always remembering my name (probably because I'm the only sucker dropping off my clothes to him)

Knowing this about me you'll now understand why when it came time for me to send in my measurements for a wedding I have to attend in Baltimore my first stop was this establishment.
I asked Boris to measure me but he said "Wait till tomorrow, the other guy is better. He is tailor. He do better job." I appreciated his honesty and agreed to come back the next day. I trust Boris, I've already established that....but I was a bit apprehensive of the unknown tailor. I'd always seen him in the shop and to me he always looked like Big Fat Bernie Gayle from "Safe Men"

possibly the source of all the stains.

I figured i should give him the benefit of the doubt and let him give it a crack. By "give it a crack" I mean cup my balls...in a totally professional manner. The guy started off by saying "in America they measure by inseam....but in my country this is how we do it."

Del: um.........OK
Tailor: I draw pictures...they understand.
Del: (under his breath) Shit

After 10 minutes of my awkward silence and his non nonsensical mutterings I was presented a piece of notebook paper. This was the end result:

























40 - 39 1/2? WTF does that mean?

Brest? WTF!?

West? WTF! Is that Vest or Waist? Or is that some Eastern European Hybrid?

I'm screwed. If I get 40" legs I'm going to look like Josh Baskin* after Zoltan granted his wish to go back to being a kid. However if i get 40" minus 39/12 I'll be so much worse off.

I had planned on slipping him a Lincoln ($5) for his efforts...but the results warranted a different kind of Lincoln (either a penny or a "Sic semper tyrannis"). Even still I scanned the measurements and sent them to my buddy in Baltimore which elicited a quick "Are you fucking kidding me reply?". I stood my ground and told him to submit the measurements just to get a reaction from the Baltimore counterpoint. Of course the tux guy there was dumbfounded. Rightfully so. I ended up having to spend a hungover Sunday in Men's Warehouse pretending like I was interested in buying crap so I could get some measurements.

Days later as I was dropping more dry cleaning off (to get stained), my one eyed friend asked how the tux measurements went. This is how the conversation went:

Boris: How did the tux fit?
Del: Oh, well the wedding isn't for awhile...
Boris: Ah, but fitting good...
Del: Actually, don't tell your friend but the guy in Baltimore could not follow the drawings...
Boris: What you mean. It was clear as day?
Del: Um, I don't know, he just said it was hard for him to follow..
Boris: Maybe HE not professional..
Del: Ha ha, yeah...maybe not...
(long awkward pause)
Boris: Here is your dry CLEANING (in all caps to stress his inflection)
Del: Thanks...oh, looks like the elbows are ripped.
Boris: That was like that before.
Del(mutters "crap" under his breath) Uh...OK. See you next time.
Boris: See you later Del

You see, He still recalled the name. You can't put a price on that...and laziness. Part of me wishes I stuck with the original measurements as an ode to Chris Farley. It's not often that my physique can pull of a "fat guy in a little coat" moment. This was my chance. ...and i squandered it!



















*Josh Baskin: Don't ever do a yahoo search on "Big".
Also try :
hot fat big girls black, big horse woman hot WTF????

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Filth Of July: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Ruining Family Time

How to Ruin a Lake's Worth of Family Vacations in 10 Easy Steps.
(now with pictures and videos)

1) Grow creepy 'staches: Hide the women and children, and the PBR...and the rebar while you're at it.







2) Purchase Big Dog shirts: Not just one for yourself mind you. EVERYONE needs to have one. The worse the slogan on the back, the better. Think back to all the Johnsons /Co-Ed Naked Sports shirts you may or may not have owned in the past. Even better, since you are all in Big Dog shirts you are given license to shout "HEY BIG DAWG" at each other in a Cosmo Kramer voice whenever you'd like.









3) Embrace your inner child: Sure a grown man, sporting a porno 'stache, "floating" on a purple dragon might seem a bit creepy...but hey, at least he wasn't blowing bubbles as he paddled around. Girl with heart sunglasses blowing bubbles = cute. Man w/ 'stache blowing bubbles = the reason things like "Megan's Law" exist.









4) Excessive Drinking: Drink as much as you can, regardless of the intake going on around you. Chug multiple Lake Arrowhead souvenir mugs and then mark your territory the way The Serrano* used to.








5) Nipples: Sex, Hugs, and Violence: If you have a nipple ring, rip it out. If you are wearing a self made Jager tank top, whip it out. If you have a Cougar waiting in the wings, let her lick it out. Damn the families. Their faces will be blurred out in the pics in the same fashion that they will attempt to blur out these nip-isodes.






6)Slam Dance: That is what the 80's were for my friend. You can't rock those classic songs and expect people not to kick ass and take names. Those toddlers dancing? Collateral damage.






7) Waste beer in creepy ways: I'll let the video speak for itself:


Beer Flash Dance from del lefevre on Vimeo.

8) Steal stuffed animals from defenseless pre-teens. Do horrible things to said stuffed animal: Sure the monkey liked it and they exchanged numbers that night. Matt said he'd call..but let's be honest here people, that was just an Arrowhead hook up. Matt ain't calling. Poor monkey.






9) Jaeger Bombs: Offer anyone and everyone Jaeger Bombs. People love that, and if they don't accept, then you're not less accountable for what happens when you drink all the extras. I blame you strangers for making me drink countless Jaeger Bombs.


The Never Ending Question from del lefevre on Vimeo.

10) Dance Off Circle: Thunder Dome Style. Vote for your favorite dance off finishing move in the comments. The Arrowhead families were eerily quiet. I can't figure out why.


Breakin - Dance Off from del lefevre on Vimeo.

Follow these ten surefire steps and you're guaranteed to rule the tiny little town you visit on your next three day weekend. See you in August @ Arrowhead for the Pink Floyd cover band: Which One's Pink.

That band name is worse than anything you've just seen.

Enjoy this full vimeo of the "concert"


Lake Arrowhead 07/05/08 - remix from del lefevre on Vimeo.

And yeah, that was Todd from the Crazy Doggs in that video.

Do the Doggy Bounce!





* Serrano:

Members of the Serrano tribe are part of the Shoshonean subset of the Uto-Aztecan group of Native Americans. Serrano means highlander. They were an offshoot of the Takic people that arrived in Southern California around 2,500 years ago. When the Spanish missionaries came into the region, they helped form the tribal name Serrano, separating them from their neighbors that were designated as the Gabrielino and Kitanemuk.

The Serrano historically populated the San Bernadino Mountains and extended down to the Mojave River region down to the Tejon Creek.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Hip to be Square: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love "& The NEWS"


After seeing the trailer for Pineapple Express I thought I reached the peak of my movie excitement potential. I was wrong. I just listened to the upcoming movie's theme song, and it's badass. This won't be a rambling post because to describe the awesomeness of the theme song it shall only take me five sweet words: Huey-Lewis-and-The-News!.

Fuck Yeah!

Check out the LakeShore myspace page to hear the full track. Prepare to get off the page asap after that...otherwise you'll be subjected to hearing Mike Myers, as "The Love Guru", covering "The Joker by the Steve Miller Band.

Not a good time.



----------------
Now playing: Huey Lewis and the News - The Power of Love

Friday, June 27, 2008

Flip You...Flip You For Real: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Ridiculous Purchases

My past impulse (read: drunk) purchases have been well documented. It was said that I would be unable to top the white linen suit that I purchased weeks ago. I think I may have proved the naysayers wrong.

The back story to this purchase is that I go through digital cameras like Bihler goes through bottles of Andre's. FAST! I'm now on my fourth digital camera since i moved out to LA. That's about one camera every six months. Not a favorable ratio for Deltron (yeah i spoke in the third person, deal with it!). Stuff breaks, I can live with that. The tragedy here is that I never really earned the camera destroyer reputation. Each Canon Elph was damaged by non Del actions.

1) Canon SD400 5.0 megapixels - After all my drunk adventures my camera was fine and in tip top shape till I went home for a visit and someone at a family BBQ dropped it. You could tell they were psyched to have me home. "He's home for a visit, let's smash his shit!". No one fessed up but my grandmother looked VERY suspicious. Before I could even ask her what happened she blurted out, in broken english, "Why you look at me? I do nothing!". Helluva poker face Grandma. Well played. I forgave her but I will not forgive her for the countless times she gave my twin bro a Tensky and gave me the shaft when we were kids. I guess $10 is the going rate for being named Eugene. Actually come to think of it she is forgiven for that too. Eugene3030 just sounds lame!

2) Canon SD500 7.1 megapixels - Bihler, Cinco De Mayo. Nuff said.

3) Canon SD1000 7.1. megapixel - Two weeks ago my camera was in great condition and on it's way to Lake Arrowhead. I had a Saturday full of beer and Led Zeppagain. Good times, all documented on the camera till the encore. Led Zeppagain must have rocked harder than I recalled because my camera stopped working and there was no droppage this time. Instead there was some mystery message of "Lens Error, please restart camera". I came to learn this was camera talk for "You somehow got some sand in your lens, even though you weren't near any sand today. You are fucked." There is no reset on the thing, so pretty much you have two options to try and fix the camera
  • Taking the battery out for a couple of minutes and trying to retract the lens again, or
  • Banging it on its side to try and dislodge what is is jamming the lens retracting mechanism
The third option is to drink while you let your friend, who thinks she is Schiender from One Day at a Time, try and take apart the camera. Point of advice: If, when asked for a progress report on the repair, the repairer says quite proudly "I am making the screws silver" stop them dead in their tracks. That is Schiender speak for "I am stripping the screws". The camera was a goner...and the shop wanted $150 to fix it. Time to move on to get to brand new camera #4

4 - Olympus Stylus 850 SW 8.0 mega pixel. The major selling point: Waterproof to 10 feet; shockproof to 5 feet. Smash city, population: This guy! I'm pretty brand loyal, but my poor track record with Canon, coupled with the fact that I'm headed to Arrowhead for the 4th of July, made this camera a smart drunk (jumbo shrimp anyone?) purchase.

I state that i was drunk because I left an Amazon window open with the camera, xd card, AND "for a goof" a Flip Mino, all night and then stumbled to my desktop the following morning and pulled the still drunk trigger. Sadly I didn't realize that I sent my purchases to NY. Not cool. Easily fixed*...except the memory card is still in NY somewhere. The funny thing is I could not give less of a shit All thanks to the awesomeness of the Flip Mino, or as I like to call it, "the best thing ever"!

I can't put into words how awesome it is so I will simply post some youtube clips that I made. Added bonus points for letting me make everything "old timey". You'll see in the old timey clip how awesome it is and how it is impossible for me to imagine the novelty of it wearing off. Ever. "Old timey" has already been officially added to the lexicon of anyone who has been around the Flip...and or me. The only other phrase I've heard more than "haha, make that old timey!" is "put that fucking thing away".

I'm talking about the Flip you sick bastards.

Video 1: The camera got delivered while I was on a conference call. Hello Old Timey, Goodbye attention span.


Video 1: Old Timey's glorious debut. This is Linda, the Interep receptionist. Badass woman.



Video 3: Past Meets Present.** Old timey with the Wii & Albert Hammond Jr



video 4: Last night's Edit one - Old Timey Drinks


video 5: Last night's edit two - As much as I love Old Timey, I have to say the heavily edited, all by the Flip and Muvee, version with the Hold Steady score is so well done.



* Amazon has the best customer support ever. You feed your cell number into a box on the site and they call you back. No sitting around on hold like a jackass. They called back in less than five minutes.

** past meets present. New blog perhaps?


----------------
Now playing: Stevie Wonder - Sir Duke

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Beat It Him: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Listen More Closely

A friend and I have been battling on Muxtape this week. The challenge was to see who would pull the best 12 song (the mix tape limit) 80's CD. Mind you, the date range actually goes 1979-1990... Quite a challenge considering I'm "27"*. That being said, I think that I did fairly well. The only rule of engagement was that we could only use one song per year...and no repeat artists. (and no loophole tricks like having a Genesis song and then having a Phil Collins song.)

Here is mine
Here is hers
Vote at the bottom of the blog!


She went above and beyond the call of duty by relabeling each track to match a time and place or feeling that the song evoked. Great work, especially when you get to find out her favorite song of ALL TIME is by Starship. Correction, her favorite song is the THEME SONG to Mannequin by Starship! How awesome is that? Earning lots of points in my book.

Props having been given, I still think that I blew her out of the water.

I should mention that it was implied that you had to pick songs that you REALLY listened to around that time. God knows I'd like to say I was rockin' out to Echo and the Bunnymen's "The Killing Moon"...but that awesome song did not grace my ears till my first viewing of "Donnie Darko". "The Killing Moon" came out in 1984, when Michael Jackson ruled the charts. While I did not ultimately decide to include any Michael Jackson tracks on my playlist, MJ does bring back a rather fun traumatic childhood memory.

1984 - "White Lines" is the trigger of this memory. No, Young Del was not blowing lines. Break dancing was the drug of choice. I tried my hardest to perfect the art, but it never really took. A damn shame, as I would have owned my catholic school courtyard with my windmills and head spins. I was no Ozone...not even a poor man's Turbo. Damn their Electric Boogaloo. My only recourse was to fall back to what was easy, and nothing was easier than aping Michael Jackson. Anyone can pull off a moon walk while wearing one glove and white socks.

A sad, sad side note: I would wear a winter mitt (didn't have gloves) and try to moonwalk in the middle of a scorching, humid NY summer on my back deck. Luckily for me there are no pictures**.

Now to the music... Back then people would buy record singles, and I was a big enough sucker to have purchased the record singles for both MJ's "Beat It" and Weird Al Yankovic's HILARIOUS parody "Eat it". However even after a big purchase like that I stopped listening to "Beat it" pretty quickly. And for an extremely good reason! As youngster i guess my ear for music wasn't fully developed and because of this I would butcher the words to songs. This led me, in "Beat It" to hear and sing "Showin' How Fucky Strong Is Your Fight" when the actual words were clearly "Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight". Repeated over and OVER again.

Now I'm friggin' YOUNG, so "fucky" had LIT-TRA-LEE the same exact meaning to me as "funky" (I didn't know how to get funky or fucky back then. Now...still a bit unclear.) Unfortunately my mom felt differently, took the title of the song quite literally, and out came the dreaded "wooden spoon".

...And that's when "Beat it" was retired from young Del's record rotation. That is your Del story of the day.

*That's right 27. Don't question it.

** Being the child of six the novelty of taking pictures and general parenting pretty much wears off after #3. A Blessing and a Curse.

Which mix kicks more ass?
1980's Jerkface Sandwich
A Dozen Years

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Clowning: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love In Rainbows

Currently at the beer garden there is a clown...her name is Rainbow. Turns out She comes from a long line of clowns. She was born into the art of clowning ...and now she is trading balloons for beer. She is clearly out of her mind. Of all the days to forget my camera! God bless this place...AND GOD BLESS CAMERA PHONES.

I got her business card so if anyone is looking for an ecstasy cigarette smokin, beer swigging , fake picture taking* clown who may or may not be on Quaaludes let me know

S he somehow won 1st place in a clowning competition the night before. That seemed crazy to me because who the hell is throwing a clowning competition and secondly she was one step away from being as terrifying as Pennywise. Who the hell was voting on this?



*she took pictures of people with a really nice nikon slr...but the camera had no film in it. I couldn't make sense of this practice no matter how much i drank.


END NOTE: as amusing as she was, she's hardly a replacement for the one man band. I miss hearing "Like A Rolling Stone".

 
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