Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Park and Hide: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Being a Straggler

This blog is going to act as a public service announcement to anyone considering using the Hollywood Bowl "Park and Ride" service. As it turns out, the times are NOT "suggested" arrival time options but instead are the firm time choices that are available for your shows' specific start time.

I learned this the hard way. Allow me to scare you straight.

The day before the Radiohead show I drank like a champ. For no good reason on Sunday I had 6 jaeger bombs and countless beers and other drinks at The Victorian, The Beer Garden, O'Briens, and my house. It made for a great Sunday, but a miserable Monday. This led me straight to the Park N Ride as I planned to rest and rebound in a bus on the way to the venue. Oddly enough, when I arrived at the Santa Monica DMV there were ZERO people waiting for the bus. I thought I couldn't be more worried at that point. I was wrong. Shortly after discussing what to do w/ my roommate Pat, who was kind enough to drop me off, another Radiohead fan showed up. Her name was Monica and she was bat shit nuts. She clearly made the same mistake I did and was having a self admitted freak out. Besides questioning who I was calling when I used my phone to try and verify the p-n-r info she questioned the West Side. Her theory, which clearly ignored the full parking lot, was that there weren't any Radiohead fans on the Westside and that was the reason there was no one waiting for a pick up. I was way too hungover to humor her insanity so I peppered in a few subtle zingers as I tried to figure out my next step. Truth be told I was fucking terrifed of her. CRAZY EYES! Luckily Monica's friends showed up and, following a long brainstorming session, decided they'd drive to the Bowl. After a quick deliberation, they agreed to drive me as well. Kids, I don't advocate taking rides with strangers, but this was for Radiohead. It wasn't like someone asked me to get in their van to help them find their lost puppy (ed note: People, wise up. There's never a lost puppy!). Also, the driver, Nick, was a spot on stunt double for my buddy Schellman...except a Mexican version. John Mexico. Super trust worthy.

Michael Vick would be so proud...en el trato.

The car ride consisted of Monica complaining the entire fucking time, and her friends either rolling their eye balls or telling her to "try and have fun". Why would John Mexico, Bizarro Annie, and the Bourne Ultimatum 2.o want to hang out with such a Debbie Downer. When she found out that someone threw a "Singles" party and she wasn't invited she belted out over and over again: "BUT I'm single (shocker!) Why wasn't I invited?" Oh Monica, I just met you and it's completely obvious why you weren't invited. Her friends made some lame excuse and changed the subject.*

As the straggler, I really wanted to shtick it up by doing the Seven Minute Abs bit from "There's Something About Mary"...but i thought better of it as I was insanely hungover and I feared being dropped off on the 101. (Note: this is also the reason i have no pics of the motley crew. That would've punched my express first class ticket to Creep City.)

"Bingo, man, bingo. 7-Minute Abs. And we guarantee just as good a workout as the 8-minute folk"

At this point I learned we'd be detouring** to John Mexico's boss' house. Hmm, part of their scam perhaps. Get a straggler alone in the Hollywood Hills and then steal his tix. Genius really. My fears were put to rest when we arrived and I realized the boss could probably buy the Hollywood Bowl. They had a friggin Warhol for christ's sake. I knew this because the boss's wife insisted on giving a tour, even when I tried to politely decline by saying "Thanks, I'm good....I'm a straggler. No tour needed." I think she thought I was kidding. A friggin Warhol. Nuts. I was impressed. As evidenced by my living room, I'm a huge art fan:

Matt points out the rich textures of my Bob Ross original knockoff .

After some small talk..and some not so small Monica complaining we jumped into the boss' car and made our way to the Bowl. Of course Monica didn't miss a fucking beat, as she took this second car ride as an opportunity to unnecessarily insult John Mexico's car." Seriously, why did these people hang out w/ her? Luckily it was a short ride, but not short enough as John Mexico and his boss gave each other goodbye European cheek kisses to go along with the standard bro hug. I didn't need to see that. After that we went our separate ways and I met my buddy and headed to the seats and never looked back.

What lessons have we learned?
You know what...I'm not sure I learned a lesson as I'd rather ride w/ strangers than drive to the Hollywood Bowl. That Tetris stacked parking is a fucking nightmare.

Actual Radiohead concert notes:

Ed Grimley + Gary Oldman in "The Professional" = Thom Yorke. Stop trying to come up with a better comparison. It's impossible.

Steve Nash is apparently now playing bass for Radiohead.

No pic needed: Johnny Greenwood is a bad ass guitarist.
Set List
1. Reckoner
2. Optimistic
3. There There
4. 15 Step
5. All I Need
6. Pyramid Song
7. Weird Fishes/Arpeggi
8. The Gloaming
9. Videotape
10. Talk Show Host
11. Faust Arp
12. Tell Me Why (Neil Young Cover)
13. No Surprises
14. Jigsaw Falling Into Place
15. The Bends
16. The National Anthem
17. Nude
18. Bodysnatchers
19. House of Cards
20. Planet Telex
21. Go Slowly
22. Fake Plastic Trees
23. True Love Waits Intro/Everything In Its Right Place
24. Cymbal Rush
25. Karma Police
26. Idioteque

Unexpected Highlight: "Tell Me Why". I've never heard the Neil Young version and I don't care. This is now an instant classic Radiohead song in my mind.

Radiohead :: "Tell Me Why" (neil young cover) from gorilla vs. bear on Vimeo.

Sad Lowlight: "True Love Waits". It broke my heart that I could barely recognize this usually great song because it was reworked into a bizzaro organ infused death crawl. The fact that it was my "Man, I hope they play that song" selection, made it that much worse.

Weirdest thing I noticed because I was so hungover I was forced into sober ultra awareness: The asian girl next to me who would laugh uncontrollably EVERY single time she looked at the stage through her binoculars. WTF. Maybe they were displaying reruns of Full House or America's Funniest Home Videos up there. Saget is one funny fuck.

* Turns out Moncia was offered the ticket day of...which usally translates into "Hey...um...we couldn't find anyone else to come w/ us and we don't want to eat the cost...so...um...i guess...um..if you want to come...bring your cash!"

I would have given my ticket to Hitler before her!

Now playing: Ramones - Needles and Pins [Sire Remixed Single Version]


bluuweb said...

dude, you need to make a book of your blogs.

bluuweb said...

PS - I wouldn't buy it, but I'd borrow it from someone who paid the 15.95 in the US or 12.95 in Canada.

Cari said...

Hey! I've been telling you, you need to make a book of your blogs for months!! See! I am not the only one! I would buy it. :)

Annie said...

Dude Del... weird shit always happens to you. Can't decide if that makes you lucky - or the opposite. I for one, love reading about it.

totalwaste said...

dude, your blog kills me...

STARK said...

Neil Young rocks, jackass. Grow up and listen to Crazy Horse, etc.

LadyDistructo said...

I'm not sure what's better, hearing or reading your stories. I'd proudly display this book on my coffee table, which is strictly reserved for books that I know company will love. IE; Encyclopedia of Unusual Sexual Practices. You do have the strangest of luck. I think it's a blessing.

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