Thursday, February 22, 2007

Lent: the great sacrifice



Welcome to my blog.

You might be asking yourself: Why are you here?

Here it is:

At lunch yesterday while enjoying some delicious meat (No, not a meat wallet Sandra). I noticed a woman across the room with a filthy forehead. I thought to myself, "wow what an unfortunate birthmark...as there's no way it can already be Ash Wed!”. Sure enough it was. Now by no means am I what you'd call a (insert unnecessary air quotes) “practicing catholic” but I do enjoy the challenge of giving something up for 40 days. My friend mentioned that she planned on giving up Tequila for Lent. I called her out on that. I mean come on, TEQUILA? That's giving up a brand of shot. It's easily substituted for another spirit. That's not sacrifice, you're just changing flavors. That’s as half-assed as saying “I’m giving up grape soda!”. Jesus Christ, our lord and savior, would piss on your efforts! So I offered this suggestion: Give up Myspace. Sadly, this is where our lives have taken us. To quote Ron Burgandy, my space is "kind of a big deal". (Del of 2004, I know it seems hard to believe, but it's true…and I’m sorry) She threw the gauntlet down and challenged me to match her for forty days.

So as of yesterday we’re both off myspace. Will I crack? Will my myspace friends wonder why I’m ignoring them? How will I ever know what Tila Tequila is thinking?

You see…it all comes back to Tequila. I wonder if that’s what Satan was offering JC in the desert.

Satan: “WOO HOO SPRING BREAK! Come on JC, Let’s do a shot of patron!

Jesus: “I’m not feelin’ shots right now. Maybe later I’ll turn some water into wine or something...

Satan: (points around to the desert) “Come on we’re all doing shots!”

Jesus: “nah I’m good...

Satan: “pussy”

Be strong JC

We have hired a third party user to police the “last signed in” dates to verify that the covenant hasn’t been broken. No honor system here. So far I’ve noticed that I’m a bit more productive at work. That’s to be expected. Luckily my office blocked myspace a long time ago. Since that time, getting on via a proxy server has been a hassle that I’ve been forced to accept. No more! I’m a free man. I’d say I’d use this new found time to pick up some hobbies like painting, but my hands won’t stop shaking and I’m covered in sweat…which is weird since its cold in here. Too soon for withdrawal symptoms?

I should go.

Tila, if you’re reading this I still love you very much. See you and your naked friends in 39 days.

Always and forever

Deltron 3030


4 comments:

Stephanie said...

i couldn't think of a better way for you to spread your delisms than your very own blog. well played.

Lauren Miller said...

Are you allowerd to log on using your secret stalker account and view your main account profile to see comments? There is no policing that.

Wallsie said...

Im a little worried that your great sacrifice is Myspace. This infact means that you rely on this site day in and day out...Deltron...I thought higher of you!

Good luck though. My only question is...now that you have this Blog going and people can post comments, isnt this going to kinda of be like a Myspace in a way?

Deltron3030 said...

no checing myspace via a ghost account...this kid is done!.

ad no, w/ comments this is not my space sarah.

 
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