R.I.F: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Become a Card Carrying Old Person

Borders is having a kick ass 40% off of EVERYTHING sale. Sadly I was late to the scene and it was slim pickings. I missed out on all the sweet stuff and because of this I almost talked myself into buying The Freaks and Geeks Year Book Edition Boxed Set. Even at 40% off it was still ridiculously overpriced. After far too many hours of hunting and gathering I grabbed the last copy of the new Klosterman and the new collection of Stephen King short stories and hit the register where I had to listen to the check out douche scoff at my Stephen King selection. No wonder the Borders ship was sinking. Super overpriced merchandise mixed w/ surly judgmental register monkeys is a kick ass business model. Dicks. Border's, you reap what you sow!

Mark my words, as of today I vow to not buy a book for awhile and Border's wasn't the only deciding factor. You see times are tough my friends and I've recently* joined that less than exclusive club, the unemployed. Today after going to my local Citibank to deposit (I still can't believe I'm typing the words) my unemployment check I crossed the street and headed over to the Santa Monica Public Library. Yep, it's come to that. Truth be told I usually buy a book, read it, and then pass it to someone else with the instructions for them to do the same when they are done. This system has served me well my whole life as I never once (blatant lie*) have felt the urge to re-read a book. There's so much content out there, why re-read? Anyway, I'm guessing I haven't been to a public library in at least four years. What better time than now?

I have to admit I found the Santa Monica library a bit overwhelming, what with the over abundance of old people stock piling DVDs. Hey old people, the jig is up. We know you're all still rocking VHS tapes and no matter how many DVDs you "rent" your children will not enjoy visiting you. It's just the way it is. Accept it. I have.

As I mentioned earlier I haven't been to a library in quite some time and because of this I walked around the library like an unfrozen caveman. Everything shocked and confused me. I really had no plan of attack until I recalled I had wanted to purchase "Love is a Mix tape". At that point I stopped dead in my tracks and did a 360 to see if I could sniff out where the non fiction music section was. I'm guessing one of the staffers saw me because she came running over and offered her assistance. I told her I knew the author's name and the title of the book and I'd have no problem tracking the book down at which point she gave me a "bless his heart" face and suggested we track down the exact dewy decimal #. After tracking down the stack slot and finding out that the copy was missing she walked me over to her desk where she put a hold on the book...and get this they will email me when the book arrives. What a brave new world we live in. After being told that this was common place for years I felt stupid and old. Karma perhaps? I really should have went over to the elderly couple renting seasons one through three of "Mad About You" and apologized for silently judging them...but I didn't. I loath old people.

I know you do too.

What have we learned today? Reading is fundamental and if your local library carries the Freaks and Geeks boxed set let me know...because Santa Monica doesn't. I'll trade you some "Mad About You". Oh, we also learned that I'll be seeing that Stephen King hating fool on the unemployment line real soon. We'll see if he is such a big talker when he's not behind his slightly elevated above ground level check out counter.

*blatant lie - I had to repurchase Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs as I wanted to read it again. Of course the jackass that I am, I lent out the second copy. No clue where it is now.

* recently - That's for you, Meredith.