Bad News Beers

Opening Day is a few black out days away. I think it might be time to re-visit the beauty that is The Hat Game. There used to be a website that explained the intricacies of the game...but the page more or less blew up and never truly got re-done. I blame it on many things. That said, lets talk Hat here on the blog.

WHAT IS THE HAT??

The Hat Game is a gambling/fantasy/baseball game of chance that will change the way you look at every single pitch the next time you go to the ball game.

Origins

One uneventful Saturday night in July of 2001 a slew of drunks happened upon their friend Mike Merceika. He had recently attended a uneventful game in Cleveland yet he swore it was one of the best games he'd ever gone to. Clearly something was amiss . Everyone assumed either drugs or a drunk woman were involved in the Seeka puffery. However once he was pushed for details on what made this game so eventful he introduced me to a game, a concept, a way of life that was 10X as intoxicating as a drunk woman and 10 X as addictive as your crack cocaine. He brought the Hat to the table, and we haven't looked back.

The game has been passed on from section to section. Along the way nuances have been lost and or added in the translations. This blogs lone purpose is to teach the the hat game the right way....and to show you some examples of some fine hat playing.

Why Play the Hat?

Why not?

This game makes every pitch that much more entertaining. Of course combined with all the beer you're consuming you'll begin to frighten your section when you start to freak out because the pitcher struck out looking...again. Trust me, it will happen. Pitchers love taking a called third strike. The game is a great time whether you like baseball or not. I've seen the average fan easily lose $60 yet still praise the virtues of the game.

Is Smack talk encouraged?

Yes, but that goes with out saying. It's basic human nature.

Why do you care so much about the hat?

I've had some good times and some bad times with the hat. Peaks and Valleys my friends, Peaks and Valleys. Words to live by. My dream is to look into the vast crowd at a ballpark and I see thousands of people cursing and stuffing handfuls of dollars into baseball caps. Make the dream a reality and pass this along to all your friends.

Rules

• Order for passing the hat is determined by your seating in the stadium (but feel free to play at home or in a bar).
  

• To start, EVERYONE antes in a single dollar.
  

• The first person gets the #1 visitor hitter, second guy gets the #2 visitor hitter, etc,etc..and the hat keeps rotating regardless of the home/visitor scenario (some say this comprises the integrity of fandom...but I disagree)
  

Payouts and "Pay-ins" explained:

• Hit: You win all the money in the hat...and everyone (including the winner) has to re ante. Pass the hat. Payout: The hat

• Homerun: You win the money in the hat...and EVERYONE has to match the money in the hat and give it to you...and everyone (including the winner) has to re ante. Pass the hat. Payout: The HAT + MATCH
  

• WALK: It's a push...pass the hat! Payout: PUSH

• ERROR: If the fielder were doing his job this would have been an out. Pay, than pass the hat. Pay-in: A Buck

• SACRIFICE: Clearly he is moving the runner along..but its still going to cost you. Pay than pass the hat. Pay-in: A Buck

• OUT: Ground-Out, Fly-Out, etc. Put a dollar in and pass the hat. Pay-in: A Buck

• DOUBLE PLAY: Lucky enough to ground into a double play?...than you are lucky enough to pay double..than pass the hat. Pay in: Two Bucks

• STRIKEOUT: STRIKING OUT IS BAD...put a dollar in and pass the hat. Pay-in: A Buck

• REVERSE K: ...BUT NOT AS BAD AS THIS. MATCH THE HAT!...then pass it. Pay-In: HAT MATCH!
  

Pitchers duels can be deadly. The hat grows to an outlandish sum and all players fear the inevitable home run match that is awaiting. The people in your section will either love your blind bravodo or curse you for "hexing" the home team. Either way, it sounds like a win/win situation to me!

Check out some box scores of some past hats. They are insanely detailed.

Game One
Game Two
Game Three

Good luck to all...and Lets Go Mets.
(Thank god for Direct TV's baseball package)

God Bless the Internet...

Hate to beat a dead horse but you need to check out this Arcade Fire clip . I came across it today and I'm quite happy I did. And who says the french are useless. Oh that's right. Everyone. Regardless they've proven their worth for one day at least. What a find. This has made my day. I should be ashamed to admit that, but I'm not.

Enjoy.

#41 - Arcade Fire - Neon Bible & Wake Up
Uploaded by lablogotheque

The Air Up There

Air Guitar Nation: A battle of naked ambition played out on the national and, ultimately, world stage, AIR GUITAR NATION chronicles the birth of the US Air Guitar Championships as legions of aspiring rock stars live out their dreams on a quest to become the world champion in a strange world where musical ability plays second fiddle to virtual virtuosity.

Del says: A documentary...about air guitaring. Hmm, that's kind of like letting someone into the Rock Hall of Fame because they kick ass in "Guitar Hero". That said, I'll be adding this to my netflix queue asap. I wonder if there's an air drumming championship...better yet, an AIR "DOUBLE DRUM" championship. Perhaps my crush, Meg White, wants in on some double air drumming action. I should call her.

Double Drums...

The sound quaility of these two videos are pretty craptastic, but still gives you a good idea of the sheer awesomeness of Modest Mouse. I'm not sure how long they've been rolling out the double drum kit line up...but I love it. I think all bands should do it. In Def Leppards case they could get away with just throwing in another arm.

I was transfixed by them.

White Trash Lunch

I left work early for a spirited trip to The Valley for my maiden voyage to Magic Mountain. Even better, I got to see Modest Mouse perform there. Before we could head there though we needed lunch and Ralph's was our only option. Lets see what was in the shopping cart

1) 3 Budweiser "Tall boys": Nothing screams all-American white trash like the regular bud can. Now Super Size it. While drinking it I found myself wanting to listen to a Larry "the Cable Guy" record while watching some Nascar*.

2) 2 Prepackaged turkey and jack sandwiches: I've gone my whole life w/o eating this type of sandwich from a supermarket. Yesterday this all changed. Sort of. I was able to choke down two bites before I gave up. I'm 100% certain if i offered one of these to a homeless person they'd decline. The bread was like an old dried out sponge. The turkey ans cheese were looking quite weathered...and never once did the package mention anything about Mayo. Fuckers. Mayo is the condiment of the devil.

3) Jack Daniels: Nothing says "I don't give a damn about the people sitting behind me on Goliath" quite like downing some Jack Daniels before entering the park. We're a classy bunch.

4) Malibu: Normally this is where I'd make some snide disparaging remarks about Malibu and the people who drink it...but I watched two girls kill this bottle with little to no mixers throughout the day. Like I said, a classy bunch. I have a new found respect for the girls. The Malibu, not so much.

5)Gum: Seeing items 1-4. This was a no brainer.

The look of disgust from the old checkout lady was priceless. Though I do think she appreciated my commitment to the day when i asked for some brown baggies (for the tall boys). Trying to throw her off I told her I was going to make bag puppets to entertain "the kids". I don't think she believed me.

On the Darkside...

The Arcade Fire: Neon Bible

This album is beyond awesome. That's right, I just said "beyond awesome." Deal with it. This album needs to be listened to by all. Its so good even those hipster snobs over at Pitchfork gave it a glowing review. It just grows and grows.

I mentioned to someone that "(Antichrist Television Blues)" & " Keep The Car Running" reminded me of Bruce Springsteen meets the music from "Eddie and the Cruisers". I was deeply saddened (or was it embarrassed) when my friend had no idea what I was talking about. I wanted to say "download 'on the darkside' asap". I instead said "Nevermind".

Either way, the album is great. Some might say better than their debut "Funeral". I'd agree

Track it down now on Limewire or Itunes.

Unrelated side note: I miss my Russian mafia mp3 fix. The thought of paying for the volume of data downloaded, not for individual songs always felt like harmless "stealing" . Almost as if i were giving back to the artists. I'm guessing the $1.67 trillion lawsuit filed by the major labels means they feel a bit differently then I. Greedy bastards. How am I expected to make more mix cds for people if I have to actually pay for the music.

Life Lessons Unlearned

Who was the genius who decided to schedule March Madness and St Patty's day on Saturday? My liver wants a NAME!. Oh, so you say they fall on the same days every year and it was just drunken kismet. Fair enough. I had the intention of blogging the "hop on" incident of last week. No deal! Too much work at this time. Let me concentrate on a smaller scale. Baby stepping to the subject of people. What's wrong with people...? Seriously. There are basic unwritten guidelines that we all know and follow. It appears as if some people need a refresher. The ignoring of social rules and clear cut infractions have popped up at an alarming rate. Here are a few.

1)Scene: Last Sunday.
Headed from the beach to the pier for Sunday coronas

(which led to the aforementioned "hop-on" incident)

Me, Iris, Pat's parents, Pat, and the "Hop-On" enjoying a nice Sunday beverage.

Walking down the beach I was horrified to see two parents standing next to their kid while she blatantly urinated in the sand..sans suit. Mind you this child was too old for this...and it was in the SAND. Isn't there an unwritten rule that if you are old enough to talk and go see pg movies that you HAVE TO wade in the water and pee in fearful stillness. When did we start peeing in the sand??? COME ON! At least make an effort to blend the liquids.

Lesson learned : Hide your pee...or your kids pee.

2)Scene: Barney's. St Patty's Day

Me with Bihler. She's dangerously close to me in this pic...and dangerously close to a blackout

The bar reeked of sweat and draft beer. Good times. I made the mistake of bringing a jacket. bad times. We had our area staked out and had been there for quite some time and everyone was in good spirits thanks to the bombs (of the jager and car variety), except for the random who was sitting in a stool between our group, acting has a human Berlin wall. I, wanting to lose my jacket, asked the random if it were ok to place my jacket on the stool. He cocked his head around (seeka style) and replied, while covered in buffalo sauce "Why don't you find somewhere else to put it". BLINDING RAGE engulfed me. I should explain. Not so much "real blinding rage" as it is more like "fake blinding rage. Fake blinding rage that would have turned into real blinding rage if the following variables were both added to the scenario:

1) more beer for me
2) if his sentence "Why don't you find somewhere else to put it" ended with any of the following condescending nick names: pal, chief, hoss, boss, bro, or guy.
That would make Ghandi himself lose his shit.

Lesson learned: You accept the fact that IF the bar is crowded then you might have to deal with some jackets. Suck it up....GUY!

3) Scene: Cab on the way to Cabo. Yesterday

Sunday Coronas. Always a good idea.

The Day after St Patty's is usually a wasted effort. Not this year. Sunday morning my body mostly made it through the night and I was the definition of productivity.

1. shower
2. gym
3. lunch pick up for me and the room mates. Ordered online at Bay Cities.
4. 2nd shower

Now to the normal person this wouldn't seem productive, but trust me, I was in bad shape from Saturday. I was certainly in better shape then the roommates. A fine barometer I know. You can silent judge me later. Back to lesson three, so its decided that we'll head to Cabo for some day drinking. We got in a cab and within five minutes we had this discussion with the cabbie:

Cabbie: (Peering through the rear view) "You, drink my friend?
Me: yeah...it was st patty's. Guess I drank a bit.
Cabbie: you smell of alcohol.
Me: ha, Really? I don't think so...I showered twice.
Cabbie: You drink a lot. i can give you some gum. It's good gum.
Me: (fearful of some gum/roofie combo) Uh...thanks. I'm good though
Cabbie: Take it...if you want. You just wake up?
Me: What? I've been up since 9am! (i then ran through my bullet points of productivity)

So, a cabbie pretty much told me I reeked of alcohol and needed sleep. I would have been angry, but he was a funny guy. He also commented that the girl we were picking up was "leggy". She's a pretty girl, but She's 5'2". The complete opposite of leggy. Made me feel better about the alcohol stink. His senses were clearly off. Maybe he was smelling himself the whole time
...or at the very least Pat.

That said, I'm going to adopt "leggy" into my daily rotation. It's too sleazy not to use! You'll hear it soon I'm sure.

Lesson learned: Cabbies are good people. Regardless of how many times they insult you..and try to offer you roofie infused trident.

Breakin' 3: Electric Douchearoo

In the tradition of Breakin, Krush Groove, and Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo comes this piece of cinematic genius.
Too early to buy tickets on Fandango?

I'm sure Turbo and Ozone are smiling as they look down from Heaven. What? They're still alive? Get the fuck out of here. Maybe that WAS them I saw on the corner of 7th and Arizona Popping and Locking for spare change.

The real question is How does Tracy Morgan NOT get cast in this? If EVER there was a movie that was in his "wheel house" this is it. Check out the trailer.

Anatomy of a Bad Bracket

Lets see:

1. Lost in the quarterfinal of a mediocre conf tournament to a mediocre team
   
2. RPI = 60 something
   
3. Lost 4 of last 5 and 6 of last 9

....this smells like a Deltron Upset Special. Why do I always go into the tournament borderline blind. I live with a certifiable college basketball nut and I've learned nothing.

God i wish it were baseball season already.

Note: My final four is G-Town, Ohio State, Oregon, and Kansas. Not that it matters.

The Citizen Kane of My Youth

Last Week was a momentous week for fans of fine cinema as "Night of the Comet" was finally released on DVD. No word on whether or not it will be coming out on Blu-Ray. Needless to say, It's one of my favorites.

You'd think a movie touting the end of the civilized world due to the planets encounter with Halley's comet would terrify a young buck like myself. Not so much. Sure, its conceivable that my family would've turned into piles of red dust and I'd be all alone...but I'd get to run around Shea Stadium unadulterated. Sounded like a fair trade off for 1986 Del.

(ed note: Young Del wanted nothing to do w/ any form of water after seeing Jaws. I can deal with the end of the world and comets. A great white shark coming out of the bath tub drain...No Thanks.)

So the movie is FINALLY out on dvd and I couldn't be happier.
I can think of one person who can not be pleased though....



You'd think 20+ years would have given the good people at MGM plenty of time to come up with some better cover art. Guess not. Take a look again:

We're talking some serious Acid Washed Camel Toe.

Poor woman has her young crotch in full Slim Goodbody mode.

Sadly this isn't even her lowest point. She also starred in Weekend At Bernies. Hmm, I wonder if that's out on Blu Ray.

The Power is Out

Never once would I have ever thought of drinking Mojitos. Recently I was convinced they were a good time by a friend. That friend knows their shit because they are god damn delicious. My new love affair with them led to the idea of Black Out Saturday. The goal is to drink your drinks at an unhealthy rate much to the disgust of any and all strangers and wait staff. Belligerence is not required but it's not frowned upon either. The initial group set some lofty goals. An unprecedented event as a four man crew (2 men / 2 women) all blacked out the greater part of a Saturday night. I'll take you through the steps.

LEVEL I: The Chill

This is me sober, about to embark on what is now infamously known as "Black Out Saturday".
Ed note: "me sober" is a loose definition as there was already a solid 4 miller / 1 Newcastle base in place. Not really the point. Level one is relaxed banter with a level headed approach and clear cognitive brain functions. This would be your typical non binge drinking level.

Then came the mojito races.

I'll admit i was pushing the others hard. In round two of the mojitos I drank 3 out of 4 of the tabled drinks because I felt the ladies weren't going fast enough.

(that's right ladies, I'm a charmer...get it while you can).

This quick 1-2-3 punch will lead to me saying my soon to be catch phrase of the night: "I love this mojito so much I want to take it out behind a middle school and get it pregnant".

Thank you Tracy Morgan.


LEVEL II: The Glare

Like the arrow was even needed. Totally blatant staring going on. Level II drinkers don't care. They're aware of their surroundings. Some might say too aware. Everything is looking good and the mojitos are working their magic. We already have one documented black out and the night is quite young. You can see it in her eyes. Poor girl. She never had a chance.
(ed note: check out my sweet Rad Racing T-shirt. I like to think thanks to my purchase Crew Jones got to race on HellTrack. Watch out for Hollywood Mike Miranda)


Level III: The Funk


Still going strong but clearly very much un-sober. Physically still passing for a normal person...until the rap comes on. You see, Level 3 Me likes to bust out any and all rap songs from the early to mid 90s'. I'll rap to it with my drink in one hand while the other hand is used to accentuate the lyrics. I'm starting to slip on the words though. I need a hype man like Public Enemy had. Someone to finish off my sentences with authority because my drunk mind is trailing off to the next thought which is usually...

LEVEL IV: The Slap

I guess I'm an ass man, because LEVEL 4 Del loves to smack ass. Good clean fun.


LEVEL 5: The Black Fog creeping in

We've reached critical mass. You can see it in my eyes. The lights are turned off. Anyone who knows me will be able to pinpoint this level very well. My sentences are peppered with "mutha fuckin'. Said in a late 70's Blaxploitation baritone.


LEVEL: ?
....Thank god for digital cameras. From World Cafe we hit another bar, or so we've been told. No one can remember. The camera died long ago and that was the only thing sober enough to document the night. Flash forward to the next day. Waking up at 10am dressed in the nights clothes (shoes included) and looking for some sort of memory of the previous night. We recap and piece together shared memories from our personal fogs and are lucky enough to get some outside help from a sober friend we ran into. Sounds like a good night. Getting a golden sombrero (4 for 4 on blackouts) and avoiding vomit and some sort of nonsense chicken head squabble is unheard of. Chalk it up to good team chemistry and the delicious mojitos.


Sadly, my hangover pancakes at Firehouse tasted like Mojitos. Not a good time.

I went to the gym on Monday night still feeling the hangover. I mentioned to the owner how i was glad that i came even though i was intially dreading it. When he asked why i proceeded to explain Black Out Saturday. No words can do justice to the look of sheer disgust on his face.

GOSH, quit judging me.

My body is a temple...a temple where they serve mojitos all night and then jack in the box at 3am...but a temple none the less.


This saturday the table is reserved. We have 12 slots. All booked. Cash and Mojitos only. The challenge is to have a bigger group and re-create the magic.

Feels like Christimas eve!

ed note: No hood rats were harmed in the making of this blog.

LOST: A Recap

My ordered thoughts about last night's Hurley episode:

1) Soooo, the Dharma guy crashed his hippie van, and his last thought and action before dying was "let me take the key out the ignition"????

2) As bad as Paulo and Nikki are I can live with them...because Nikki is friggin hot.

3) How many times can Jin give Sun one single flower and she be blown away by the romantic gesture. I need to find a girl like this. Seriously.

4) Cheech Marin's toupee in the "Hurley as a skinny kid, who replaces his dad's affection with food flashback" was easily the best part of the episode.

5) Loved Hurley's "Sorry Tricia Tanaka" line.

6) I felt like I was watching "Little Miss Sunshine".

7) We need more Desmond!

8) Eight, i forgot what eight was for

9) Is for progress. Next week's looks like a big one. I like.

10) Is for everything is still much worse on TV. (sans heroes/24)

Bottom line: This was not as good as the Desmond Episode. That said, it was FAR better than the Jack one from last week.

side note: i put on ABC 15 mins before Lost and was forced to watch whatever program was on. Bizarre show.

• Jonathon "Weekend @ Bernie's" Silverman

• David Arquette

• Lori Laughlin (Aunt Becky from "Full House, or for the peeps in the know, Christian from "RAD")

• Jane Seymour (she's certainly created a new career for herself w/ that "call me kitty cat!" line from "Wedding Crashers")

• Kelly Hu (i.e the Hot Girl, who, after IMDB'ing this AM i learned, was the love interest of Mike Seaver in the Hawaiian vacation 2 part episode of "Growing Pains")

I've said too much

Just super odd casting. It was actually kind of funny...for an ABC sitcom that is.