Monday, March 19, 2007

Life Lessons Unlearned

Who was the genius who decided to schedule March Madness and St Patty's day on Saturday? My liver wants a NAME!. Oh, so you say they fall on the same days every year and it was just drunken kismet. Fair enough. I had the intention of blogging the "hop on" incident of last week. No deal! Too much work at this time. Let me concentrate on a smaller scale. Baby stepping to the subject of people. What's wrong with people...? Seriously. There are basic unwritten guidelines that we all know and follow. It appears as if some people need a refresher. The ignoring of social rules and clear cut infractions have popped up at an alarming rate. Here are a few.

1)Scene: Last Sunday.
Headed from the beach to the pier for Sunday coronas
(which led to the aforementioned "hop-on" incident)

Me, Iris, Pat's parents, Pat, and the "Hop-On" enjoying a nice Sunday beverage.


Walking down the beach I was horrified to see two parents standing next to their kid while she blatantly urinated in the sand..sans suit. Mind you this child was too old for this...and it was in the SAND. Isn't there an unwritten rule that if you are old enough to talk and go see pg movies that you HAVE TO wade in the water and pee in fearful stillness. When did we start peeing in the sand??? COME ON! At least make an effort to blend the liquids.

Lesson learned : Hide your pee...or your kids pee.

2)Scene: Barney's. St Patty's Day

Me with Bihler. She's dangerously close to me in this pic...and dangerously close to a blackout


The bar reeked of sweat and draft beer. Good times. I made the mistake of bringing a jacket. bad times. We had our area staked out and had been there for quite some time and everyone was in good spirits thanks to the bombs (of the jager and car variety), except for the random who was sitting in a stool between our group, acting has a human Berlin wall. I, wanting to lose my jacket, asked the random if it were ok to place my jacket on the stool. He cocked his head around (seeka style) and replied, while covered in buffalo sauce "Why don't you find somewhere else to put it". BLINDING RAGE engulfed me. I should explain. Not so much "real blinding rage" as it is more like "fake blinding rage. Fake blinding rage that would have turned into real blinding rage if the following variables were both added to the scenario:

1) more beer for me
2) if his sentence "Why don't you find somewhere else to put it" ended with any of the following condescending nick names: pal, chief, hoss, boss, bro, or guy.
That would make Ghandi himself lose his shit.

Lesson learned: You accept the fact that IF the bar is crowded then you might have to deal with some jackets. Suck it up....GUY!



3) Scene: Cab on the way to Cabo. Yesterday

Sunday Coronas. Always a good idea.

The Day after St Patty's is usually a wasted effort. Not this year. Sunday morning my body mostly made it through the night and I was the definition of productivity.

1. shower
2. gym
3. lunch pick up for me and the room mates. Ordered online at Bay Cities.
4. 2nd shower

Now to the normal person this wouldn't seem productive, but trust me, I was in bad shape from Saturday. I was certainly in better shape then the roommates. A fine barometer I know. You can silent judge me later. Back to lesson three, so its decided that we'll head to Cabo for some day drinking. We got in a cab and within five minutes we had this discussion with the cabbie:

Cabbie: (Peering through the rear view) "You, drink my friend?
Me: yeah...it was st patty's. Guess I drank a bit.
Cabbie: you smell of alcohol.
Me: ha, Really? I don't think so...I showered twice.
Cabbie: You drink a lot. i can give you some gum. It's good gum.
Me: (fearful of some gum/roofie combo) Uh...thanks. I'm good though
Cabbie: Take it...if you want. You just wake up?
Me: What? I've been up since 9am! (i then ran through my bullet points of productivity)

So, a cabbie pretty much told me I reeked of alcohol and needed sleep. I would have been angry, but he was a funny guy. He also commented that the girl we were picking up was "leggy". She's a pretty girl, but She's 5'2". The complete opposite of leggy. Made me feel better about the alcohol stink. His senses were clearly off. Maybe he was smelling himself the whole time
...or at the very least Pat.

That said, I'm going to adopt "leggy" into my daily rotation. It's too sleazy not to use! You'll hear it soon I'm sure.

Lesson learned: Cabbies are good people. Regardless of how many times they insult you..and try to offer you roofie infused trident.

1 comment:

Alaina said...

i thought for sure you'd include the douchebag that just wanted to shake your hand and make nice del!? but nooo someone had to be mr. tough guy and almost start a brawl at cabo!

 
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